Dawn the fallen angel
by Cruel Reality
Summary: ON HIATUS! 4th year coinciding with a plan of Voldemort’s gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead Harry is having one of the worst summers yet Abuse, how long can he hold on? Rating is high T
1. AS the beginning begins

**Authors note**; I'm sure it has been a while sense I have last written any thing blushes But I haven't had any time...until now. But this story has been sitting in my head for some time, so decided to try it out. So lets see how it goes, remember to review at the end .

**Disclaimer**; If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. are owned by J.K. Rowing.

**Rating**; PG-13 for now, it may change but I am not sure where I'm going with this, currently it is rated for this because of language (later on) and abuse… yadda yadda yadda…you get it.

**Summery**; 4th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

**INTRODUCTION**

Necromancy; a person who is invoked with the black magic's or dark arts, a conjuror. Originating from ancient civilizations such as Assyrians, Babylonians, Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, now assimilating to early England society. Known now to be of the black arts.

Necromancy; The conjuration of the spirits of the dead, or of its communication. Made to earn, or gain knowledge of the future. Also used to accomplish any of some otherwise impossible, or undoable tasks. Even though necromancy is rarely used by a greatly powerful magus as an escape out of, or from death. Raising, to rebirth of old dead sprits and the souls of long dead persons. – To resurrect the dead.

-this is where we begin.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Enchanting conjourments swept through the air, spells unknown, untold, for countless of generations. Though the air remained think, you could see with out an undoubtedly eye, the magic's power.

The imposing Lord Voldemort stood in his office, reciting the old dark magic's, creating a fear that each one of his followers never thought that they would or could feel. Then the man stopped short, and turned himself around, so that now he was looking in the direction towards each of his followers. All of them were hidden in a sanctioned castle, a lair if you will, hidden away from the rest of the world to see.

The evil wizard had called them there, to conduct the first step of his seemingly unstoppable plan. In his hands lay a book, brought to him merely a fortnight before by his most loyal, Lucius Malfoy.

The book was stone covered, protecting the pages that lie with in. Each of these pages ripped and worn, but its script was legible none the less. This was THE book of necromancy, lastly owned by one of the four greatest wizards of the last millennia- Salazar Slytherin. It was here where old, now forgotten spells lie, spells told to communicate with the dead, how to rule them, how to raise them.

The entire death eater's ceased to breath for a moment when Voldemort allowed a smirk, and gave a low chuckle.

"My Brethren," The Lord began, "My followers, my loyal, the time has come,"

A pause, then he began to pace back and forth between his ranks.

"I have found it…" What he had found, he did not say right away, choosing instead to stop pacing, once again standing in the front of his ranks. Now analyzing each of his followers, looking each of them in the eye through their stony white masks.

"As you all know," He began up again, "I am the soul heir to the great and powerful Lord Salazar Slytherin, and we are all here to finish his noble work, to cleanse the world of the impure. Again as you all should know the only one capable of stopping me, the Gryffindor heir, Harry Potter." Here he paused to smirk slightly.

"But not to worry, I have a plan. This book that I hold in my hand, gives me the ultimate power to resurrect the dead. The person I have in mind is some one whom, none of you, no one would guess for me to raise. James Potter, yes you may think that, that is possibly the worst choice, but no, from the moment that Potter comes back, his mind is blissfully blank, until awoken he will remember nothing.

"With a few spells we can keep it that way. With James Potter, the former heir to Gryffindor on our side we will be unstoppable. To be sure, Harry Potter would not revoke against his own father. In a simple way we could turn the elder father against his own son. Although not the heir, the blood still runs through his veins, making him a very powerful ally indeed."

He stopped. He turned around, calling his most 'loyal' subjects forward.

"Lucius, Severus, I want you to go down to were our 'guest of honor' will be waiting. You must bring him back here right away. I must remain here with the rest of my death eaters, the spell must be cast away from the sight."

With a wave of his hands he dismissed them, and both disappeared. The two of them reappeared in an old looking grave yard, mist swirling and twirling amongst their feet, nipping at their ankles. Severus' eyes scanned the area, though it was midnight he could still make out a few things around the area. Dozens of old cracking tomb stones surrounded them, turning his head slightly his eyes made their way to Lucius' form.

The pale blonde was standing rigidly, in front of a newer looking tomb. Severus casually made his way over to Malfoy. Stopping just short of the intended tomb he gazed upon the grave of his hated rival.

Doubt again began to cloud his mind, doubt on weather or not his 'Lord' would accomplish the task he seeked, Severus was almost positive that it would never work; necromancy was not something to trifle with and very seldom worked.

Soon both the death eaters heard chanting chorusing through the air, thickening the air of magic about them.

"It's begun," Severus heard Lucius say, his voice had a churn to it making Snape believe that he was smirking, and true enough when he looked to the side, Lucius' lips were turned up in a smirk.

The chanting soon grew in volume, the magic thickening even more to a dangerous degree, it had been going on for five minutes then suddenly it stopped. Severus and Lucius shared a looks, and then suddenly the ground began to shake violently, throwing Severus backwards.

He struggled to grasp onto something, grabbing on to a near by tree, clutching it as to not fly off bounds again. He closed his eyes tightly as to not lose his lunch.

Soon after the shaking ground stopped, opening his eyes once more, he looked around. He turned to see his old Slytherin friend standing over a form, which appeared to be a body. It seemed to be wearing tattered rags, with fading colours.

Millions of thoughts ran quickly through Severus' head, all pointing to the returned soul of James Potter. Knowing that he could not let Voldemort have this victory, he wavered that his position of a spy was out weighed by this little factor.

Thinking quickly he ran forward, and stunned Lucius, grabbed on to the old tattered body, and apparated out of the old grave yard to the grounds of Hogwarts.

Reappearing just out side the forbidden forest he now had the time to gaze upon the rescued.

Sure enough it was his old foe James Potter, down to the old glasses and everything, still his clothes were old and thread bare. Saying a quick spell he levitated the body toward Hogwarts school, contemplating on just how he was going to tell Dumbledore about this.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Next Chapter We go to Harry

**Authors Note; **Yes I know this is a little short, but I wanted to try the idea out to see how it works Yes I know the whole idea about James being brought back is done to death and these reasons kinda suck but deal with me here. And yes this story will deal with Harry abuse and that should come up next chapter.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!


	2. All hail the summer from hell

**Authors Notes**; Well here is the next chapter (yay!) I was going to have this chapter up a while ago, but my parents made me help decorate for Christmas, (shudders) Most of these beginning chapters are going to be short bows I'm very sorry about that.

**Disclaimer**; If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. are owned by J.K. Rowing.

**Rating**; PG-13 for now, it may change but I am not sure where I'm going with this, currently it is rated for this because of language (later on) and abuse… yadda yadda yadda…you get it.

**Summery**; 5th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dedicated to **Fiona12690** since it's her birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**DAWN THE FALLEN ANGEL**

_Chapter 1;_

_-All hail the summer from hell_

In England, in the small town know as Surry, on the street Privet Drive, nothing out of the ordinary ever seemingly occurred. It looked to be one of the most peaceful places to live, where most people would dream of growing up, and living the perfect life.

All the lawns were mowed to a perfect cut, even one could tell through the dark night, and none of the houses seemed array. All was what one would expect from a place looking such as one here, nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing strange, or abnormal. But despite what one would think, this was not all that it seemed. Contrary even to what the people who lived there thought, there was something strange happening, happening quite often in fact.

A small boy sat on the old lumpy bed, staring out at the stars above, and for no apparent reason, he was seemingly just lost in side his own world.

This was Harry Potter, a wizard, defeater of Voldemort at the age of one, losing his parents in the process. He had been sent to Privet Drive after the incident and had lived there ever since, none of the neighbors ever paid attention to him, thinking him some sort of delinquent that would never listen to the rules. A force to be reckoned with.

This was true, well the force to be reckoned part was anyhow. He had just finished his 4th year at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.

He had grown very little over the summer, maybe an inch or two, and looked almost the same. His hair was still jet black and all over the black, streaming into his eyes, quite often blocking his vision. Emerald eyes full of pain and hurt, normally covered by rickety old glasses, stared out his window, glazed and unfocused. On his cheek was a strange dark blue bruise, which looked extremely pain full.

When Harry had arrived home that summer, it began relatively well, the Dursleys ignored him, and he truthfully would rather have it no other way. Since the resurrection of Voldemort, Harry had to do a lot of thinking.

Dreams plagued him every night, luckily most of the time he didn't wake up screaming, since the pain was never too bad.

But one night, about two or three weeks ago, Voldemort was extremely angry, more then he had ever been. Harry could not help it as he screamed along with the victims under the cruciatus curse.

Before he could even wake up, his dream turned toward a different direction, he found him self in the graveyard, right outside of the Riddle mansion. His scar still hurt, but the pain had started to numb.

Looking around he caught sight of some mist floating around taking on a form of some shape. After a few minutes, the bluish grey mist formed in to the bodily shape of one Cedric Diggory.

Harry just stared in shock at for a moment or two, and then advancing toward Cedric (whom at the moment had his back to him.), not believing his eyes.

Then suddenly Cedric turned himself around and faced Harry, his eyes portrayed anger and he looked almost ready to kill.

Harry stopped in his tracks.

"Harry…" the ghost Cedric whispered, "You killed me, how could you?!"

Harry tired to say he didn't and he didn't mean to but Cedric stopped him.

"No, you lead me to my death, had to be the noble Gryffindor didn't you? You killed me."

"N-no no I didn't,"

Harry tried to say, but suddenly his scar flared up in pain, and it was unbearable. He woke up screaming, and apparently woke up his Uncle Vernon, much to his regret. Vernon had come blundering in there, almost screaming about freaks waking him up, and such.

Harry whom had just realized what had happened cowered away from the gigantic man.

The green eyed boy had almost never felt this much fear before, when he was a child Vernon had mentally abused him, or given him a few well earned (in Vernon's opinion) smacks to the head, but he had yet to truly physically hurt him out of fear that the other 'freaks' would find out.

He knew since the beginning of the summer not to provoke his uncle, he wasn't sure what happened during the school year, but what ever it was, it had his uncle teetering on edge.

Just waiting for some one to push him off, and Harry had done just that. His uncle had smacked him to shut him up accordingly, and then flung him to the ground, and proceeded to kick Harry profoundly in the sides and stomach.

Harry just closed his eyes taking the pain.

Some where in the back of his head a voice was telling him that he deserved it, that it was true, that he had, although not directly, killed Cedric. By the time Harry had reopened his eyes, his uncle was just leaving his room.

He shifted him self into a more comfortable position, and out of his guarded one, which he had used as a futile attempt to protect his more sensitive areas. As he had shifted he felt the awkward painful feeling of his newly broken ribs moving against each other. A small trail of blood dripped down his face, from his scar which still stung.

That incident had started it all, he had gotten nearly regular beatings from his uncle, each not extraordinarily bad, but each not pleasant either.

Normally his uncle would just punch or kick him for about five minutes, spit on his beaten carcass, and walk out of the room until usually the next day, or the day after. Harry assumed that he was a vent towards his uncle, at work he had lately been getting in trouble for shouting and damn near hitting his co-workers when they didn't agree.

So he would often hold his anger in and then release it out onto his nephew later on when he got home.

Harry took it, feeling that it was punishment, it wasn't that bad he thought, he could still walk afterwards, he was still able to do his assigned chores.

Oh yes, he thought, he was glad he was still able to finish his chores, about three days ago, after a beating that had chosen to affected his leg, he was slower then usual. And after ward he couldn't complete his chores, when his uncle got home he had been angry, to put it lightly.

Harry could barely remember any of that incident he had woken up sore all over, and he assumed that he had fallen unconscious during his uncles little fit.

Now a days he would barely get any food to survive, the only liquids he would ever get would be water, and quite often enough he had to sneak that out of the back yard hose during his chores. And the little if any food he would receive would be bread, and if he was extremely lucky a small piece of meat, or a small section of some kind of nasty tasting vegetable.

Along with the accountable beatings he really looked like a homely child, bruises and scratches all over, and you could count every one of his ribs.

Only to add to that he had visions, or what Harry thought of as visions, almost every night, and each one making him feel guiltier than the one before.

Most were about Cedric, him blaming him, or Voldemort taunting him, saying how he was killing all his friends, how he was a murderer who never deserved any friends. Because of the consistency of these dreams, adding on the depression he had been feeling lately, he began to believe what he had been told in his dreams. He thought that they must be true, even his uncle said so, often calling him shit, worthless, a freak, and many other things.

Because of this and all the pressure he had been feeling lately, he had begun to cut. Harry had always been against self mutilation never fully understanding how some one could ever do that to themselves.

But after one really horrendous dream, it had just felt right. Now he continued to do it almost every night, multiple scars ran down both of his arms, some white with age, and some red and new.

He had never tried to stop, but nonetheless it still felt like an addiction.

Now it was a week until his birthday, he wasn't expecting any presents as Dumbledore would allow no one to contact him because of security reasons. Ah, well he thought, maybe when he got to Hogwarts, things would get better, although he seriously doubted it.

He missed how it was last summer, true in his opinion the beatings and such were deserved but some times the small things helped.

Last summer he had gotten letters from Sirius and that really kept him away from the edge, but now because of Dumbledore he couldn't have that.

And to put it plainly he was walking towards the edge. And he didn't know how long he could hold on.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Reviews;

**shazia, **

**Dreamer; **

thx for the reviews, and I hoped that I updated soon enough for you

**Fiona12690**; once again Happy Birthday . and I'm glad u liked it so much, it feels really good to hear that… more then you know.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Author's notes **– I am so sorry that it is so short. I'm really bad at getting chapters to be really long, although i do at least 1000 words per chapter, i think this one was over 2000 - yay!

Well that chapter really did not go how I planned, but I think it turned out okay…… Well I know some of it is corny but I wanted to get it posted before Monday and (shudders) school. Well please review and tell me what you think.

I am also looking for prank ideas because obviously with the marauders back there's gonna be quite a few of them. I'm thinking of maybe the marauders and the twins having a prank war. So if you have any prank ideas tell me.

And who do you think should save Harry, I'm going for either Severus because I like him and well I may have him and Harry come to understandings in this story, or James, or Sirius, or even Remus…. Really its up to you though so tell me who you want because well I am not sure yet.

_Little-Padfoot_

Review!


	3. All in the life

**Author note**; Dear God it took me a while to write this and I am extremely sorry about that, we have had to much work going on before winter break for me to be able to write anything. But I hope that this is good for you all for now. And I decided to put the poem in as a tester, tell me how it goes.

**Disclaimer**; Don't own, don't sue, obviously if you can recognize anything from this I don't own it, I am getting nothing from this, no money, nothing, so don't worry. The song is 'arms of the angel' by Sarah McLachlan.

**Rating**; PG – 13, for language, abuse, etc..

**Summary**; 5th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

- - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Review Responses; (im gonna put them in the beginning from now on, )

**Fiona12690**- haha ur welcome for the dedication, no I don't think Harry will commit suicide, or at least now. And thanks for the praise, I appreciate it!

Also thanks to; **Maria**, **bree**, **monica85**, **Xylia Dark**and,**FroBoy**, thx for the reviews and all the ideas!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

CHAPTER 3 – ALL IN THE LIFE

_Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance_

_Forthe break that will make it okay._

Sirius Black walked down Privet Drive, in his dog form, having a little bounce in his step, which was to be expected because of the fact that his friend had just been brought back to him.

He had been called to Dumbledore's office about two hours ago, and had been told the whole story. And albeit he hated Snivellus with a vengeance but he did owe the slimy git one. Dumbledore had almost immediately sent him to get Harry after the small meeting they had held.

So, that brings us back to where we began, Sirius was looking back and forth between each of the house. Thinking to himself how it was kind of disturbing that each of the houses where almost the exact same. But he pushed the thought to the back of his mind not wanting to ruin the high feeling he had right now.

It was pretty late and was extremely moist on the ground, making his paws shiver slightly. And all around he could smell wet dew almost making him sneeze.

He now began to count down the house numbers until he came to the one he was looking for.

Pawing up to number four, he looked around, and then quickly transformed into his human form.

Opening the white door with his wand, he entered as quietly as he could, keeping in mind what Albus had said, about not being seen, and getting out as quick as possible. His nose caught a sent that made his face scrunch slightly, but not being able to recognize what it could be.

_Theres always some reason to feel not good enough_

_and its hard at the end of the day_

Stepping around, Sirius brushed his dark brown bangs away from his eyes, and squinted his crystal grey eyes trying to make out the general shapes of the house. Waiting a moment he let his eyes adjust to the dark hue around the house hold, allowing him to see enough to get by.

Tip toeing towards the stairs he ascended them slowly, tapping each step forward idly, making sure to step over each step that squeaked.

Reaching the top he opened the first door on the right, finding it to be an abnormally clean bathroom, he slowly shut the door.

When the old marauder began to walk towards the next door, a strong sent stopped him, almost making him draw back in disgust. It was vaguely familiar, the sent of blood which he had become accustomed to smelling, back in the old days. When the marauders hung out on a full moon, and walked in the forest and smelt the blood of victim animals. Not to mention that his time in Azkaban only enhanced the familiarity with that smell.

Not really wanting to think of what the smell could be originating from he walked towards the room which gave off the majority of the odd smell.

Upon opening the door, what greeted him was grotesque. The smell at least tripled in power and the sight was not satisfying either.

Harry Potter, his godson, was lying in a pile of his own blood, seemingly fresh, and looking paler then- well Snape, which was really saying something.

Not really comprehending any thing, just moving on impulse, Sirius quickly grabbed Harry, holding his godson tightly in his arms. Picking him up quickly, but as gently as he possibly could, he carried Harry out the door and to the avaparation (sp? How the hell do you spell it?) point, and avaparated to the edge of Hogwarts, and ran with him to the infirmary.

_I need some distraction oh, beautiful release_

_memories seep from my veins_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_They may be empty, and weightless, and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

Harry slowly opened his eyes, noting that all was dark. Sitting up slightly he looked around, and sighed.

Even with out the aid of his glasses, and even though the darkness of the room, he could tell that he was in the Hogwarts infirmary, seeing has he had been there countless times before, and was now the most common visitor. Looking out the window he saw that it was dark out, nearly midnight if he was correct.

Laying back down he tried to re gather his thoughts, and try to remember why and how he ended up in Hogwarts personal hospital.

His expression darkened after he remembered what had occurred.

His uncle had been really unhappy, of what he was unsure but when he got home Harry had gotten beaten. Albeit, it wasn't the worse one ever, but…enough to make him lose consciousness.

That's probably how they found him, the thought was almost enough to make him groan in annoyance. He could have done with out their knowing of what happened. Hi really didn't need the entire of Hogwarts staff looking on him with looks of disappointment, or worse, pity.

No, he thought, that was defiantly something that he didn't need, at all.

_In the arms of the angel, fly away from here_

_from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear_

_you are pulled from the wreakage from your silent revire_

_Your in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here_

Straining his ears Harry heard echoing footsteps drawing near, laying back down, not really caring how they found him. The door opened slowly, making the creaking more emphasized.

To his surprise it wasn't the headmaster who entered, instead his godfather walked in, his steps slow, almost hesitant in a way. Sirius, Harry thought, must not know that he had awoken, seeing as how he made no move to make conversation, so Harry just stared at Sirius wondering what he was doing.

Looking at Sirius' face, from what he could make out from the dark abyss anyways, was striated, and stressed. Suddenly Sirius transformed into his Padfoot equivalent and jumped on the bed, settling himself at Harry's feet, and shortly falling asleep.

Harry watched his godfather with a look akin to love, or strong compassion, before he too drifted off, giving in to the feeling pulling him back to the land of dreams.

_So tired of the strait life and every where that you turn_

_theres vultures and theifs at your back_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies_

_that you make up for all that you lack_

James Potter paced around the Headmaster's office, in a quick fury.

His old look of old ratting clothes and looks where now gone. In their place was a clean cut man, with newly looking clothes, and a new completion. Though his pale façade, lean, too thin body, and tired look, stayed with him.

His head was spinning from what had happened in the short time, in shorter then a week in fact. He had woken up from the hospital about 4 days ago, learning right away of what had happened, and what he had missed.

Greatly, was he surprised that his little baby had survived that night, and he was extremely proud of what his son had accomplished.

_It dont make no difference escaping one last time, its easyier to believe_

_in this sweet madness, oh this glorius sadnes_

_that brings me to my knees_

Grudgingly admitting to Severus that he was thankful for what he had done,(to which Severus made some smart ass comment back about him better being thankful.) because now Snape was useless as a spy, though they were trying to get him back to Voldemort's good graces.

After all this had been explained to him, he had been reunited with the marauders, Remus and Sirius. To which they shared a very heartfelt reunion. That same day, Sirius had been sent to retrieve his son, and came back with a near corpse.

Even he didn't look that bad a few days ago and he came back from the dead. Now leaving him to find out that his son's flesh and blood had abused him, and he hadn't woken up for three days.

He sighed, and then he rubbed his temples, this was just too much he thought.

His mind was just in complete disarray, nor was he entirely sure what to think. So he just decided to wait till his son woke up before really deciding what to do and what to feel. Sirius had just left to go sit with his son; James somehow believed that Sirius somehow blamed himself for this. Albus and Remus left to discuss something or another, leaving him in peace, in one way or another.

He sighed, damn, he thought, this is really screwed up.

_In the arms of the angel, fly away from here_

_from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear_

_you are pulled from the wreakage from your silent revire_

_Your in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Authors Note**; Again I am so sorry that I am updating this so late, but at least it isn't super short right? Ah well, what can you do? This chapter was really awkward to write and I hope that it wasn't easily to see that. These kind of chapters have to be there to keep the story going, no matter how annoying and hard they are to write.

Any ways as I have asked before if u have any pranks that you think the marauders should do please tell me, or if you have any other ideas for the story, they will be greatly appreciated.

Please Review!!!

-Little Padfoot


	4. waking up to deal with the changes

**Author's note**- yes I know it's a big surprise that I am alive, but something horrible but unavoidable got in the way- life. I can't helpit,high school sucks and there is nothing i can do about it, life must go on.But I am up-dating at least if that's any consolation. I will most likely up-date must more frequently now and I will get back onto my other story but this one was easier to write. And I know its short, but at least it's something, right?

**Disclaimer**- Any thing that you can recognize here is not mine and I am not taking claim to it, so don't sue.

**Rating**- PG 13, you should know why by now.

**Summery**- 5th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

* * *

**Review Responses**; i feel the need to always respond to them...

**_Nikikeya_**-chan again; thanks for the review, Harry will warm up to him, but wont necessarily TRUST James yet, but Harry's starving for love so he will at least accept James, just not trust him, so I hope that is good.

**_Never-fear-death_**; first off, great pen name I love it. Thanks for the idea, yeah me and my friends to weird things like that all the time. Again thank you for the review!

Also I greatly thank;

**_pinkkazazz_**

**_rosiegirl_**

**_Ingrid-Potter_**

**_shazia)Riavera_**

**_Charlie Quill_**

**_Fiona12690_**

**_Ness Incubus_**

**_monica85_**

I LOVE YOU ALL!

* * *

The next time Harry awoke the sun was straining into his eyes. He rapidly blinked them opened and closed trying to get rid of the searing pain he got from opening them. Finally after a few minutes he was able to see with out the consent of little white dots clearing his vision.

He sighed and looked down towards his feet. He noted slightly that Padfoot must have gotten up some time in the night or early morning, judging by the rumpled blankets and the end of his feet.

Harry sat up strait and tried to stretch out all the odd kinks and pains he acquired in sleep.

Suddenly out of no where Madam Pomfrey walked in with a quick stiff stride. As always she looked stiff and up strung, maybe she had somthing up her arse. She paused quickly, finally noticing that Harry was clearly awake and staring strangely at her.

"Ah Harry," she paused pursing her lips in a mocking sort of way.

"Welcome again. I would have hoped that I wouldn't see you until some time into the school year, but one can wish. But you really had a number done on you, lie back and let me have a look at you."

Harry sighted and complied to her wishes, letting her take over. Yes he knew that he was in here more then any one else, and practically hadhis own designated bed, for him alone. Butit didn't mean that he ment to do that.

When she finally finished with the non-stopping spells she handed him some potions and quickly walked into the other room.

The raven haired child looked down to the potions she had handed him; he grimaced recognizing the tasteless dreamless-sleep potion and the nostalgic tasting pain-reliever potion.

Quickly drowning the pain reliever, but set aside the sleeping potion.

'Seriously,' he thought sarcastically, 'She can't expect me to want to go to sleep again, because I have done enough of that already.'

After waiting a few minutes Madam Pomfrey came back, noticing Harry wasn't going to take the potion she just scowled.

"Well if you are going to be stubborn like that, you do that. I will just call down the headmaster so that he can speak to you like he wanted…"

She walked off talking about foolish headmasters interfering with her patience. The young Potter just stared after her with a bemused expression on his face.

* * *

Up at the headmasters office, Dumbledore, James, Remus, and Sirius, were all gathered around the oversized desk talking about their next mode of action.

"I don't think that we can just send James down there and go 'Hey Harry, you know what- I'm not dead.' it will probably scare the poor boy into a fit."

Remus said to the other two marauders.

"Well what else, there's really not an easy explanation to this…problem, and if we just tell him right out, treat him like an adult, it will be better."

Sirius counter attacked. James and Dumbledore just sat/stood there watching the other two.

"We have to break it to him easily; I mean this isn't something simple that happens every day."

James decided to intervene now,

"Um….guys, maybe Dumbledore should handle this. I mean he's old, intelligent, he can at least break the Ice." he paused for a moment.

"I just want to see my son." He said the last part quietly, causing his two friends just to stop and give him apologetic looks.

Dumbledore nodded, "Now all that's left is for him to wa-", he stopped just as the nurse came through the door, not bothering to knock.

She quickly informed them of Harry's awakening and quickly rushed out the door, sparing a quick glance at James, as she was still a little confused at how he came back, and was a little nervous around him. Dumbledore gave a cheery smile and popped a lemon drop into his mouth,

"Well that solves that problem, let's get going shall we."

The other three just sweat dropped at the cheery disposition. Sirius felt the need to comment, "Uh…does he have a plan?"

The other two just shrugged, not wanting to know. The three marauders left, after the headmasters, down toward the hospital wing.

* * *

Harry stared blankly at the old, and seemingly senile, old man sitting in front of him. For some unfathomable reason (to Harry anyways.) Dumbledore had just gone through a long explanation of how some unexpected things happen in life, some good, and some bad. Then went on to give him a lessen on something called necromancy which all went over Harry's head at explanation.

His head was swimming, but Dumbledore kept talking, and Harry found him self staring at the odd patterns on the wall.

Until he noticed that Dumbledore had stopped talking to him and was giving him a pointed look of clear amusement. Harry shook his head to get rid of the patterns imprinted on his mind, and turned his attention back to Dumbledore, he decided to respond as easy as he could.

"Huh?"

Albus Dumbledore just chuckled, and started twirling his fingers in his beard, "Well I can understand that you are a little confused right now, and by all means that's understandable but maybe showing you would be easy."

Harry just gave a clueless look, and felt a little embarrassed that he had not been paying attention at all, and now he wished he would have so that he could understand what is going on.

Dumbledore just smiled that annoying smile at him and then stood up.

He walked over to the entrance door, and opened it, to which caused two prone figures to fall forward in a massive heap. Some one, whom he recognized as Remus Lupin stepped out from behind the door, and walked in the room nodding at Dumbledore, and walked over toward Harry.

Albus chucked at the heap on the floor, and stated plainly, "Eavesdropping boys?"

Both looked up and shook their head furiously trying to deny it. Harry looked closer at the two figures, seeing one as his godfather Sirius, and the other was…

"Dad?"

* * *

James quickly stood up at his name, and looked toward the boy on the bed, who was just staring at him with unbelievable shock.

Obviously he couldn't believe what was happening, and truthfully, James really couldn't blame him. I mean, dead people usually stay dead, and usually, is being used lightly here.

The green eyes that painfully remind him of his late wife, just looked at him in confusion, disbelief stared right back at him.

The senior Potter really didn't know how to handle him self, he was hoping Albus; in all his old man glory would cover all this for him. But of course the man was a riddle, and took some sick amusement at letting him solve his own problems. 'I mean, for gods sake,' he thought to himself, 'Albus knows I am an idiot.'

He stepped forward scratching the back of his head in a sign of nervousness not sure how to proceed.

Harry just look towards Sirius, in an obvious sign of confusion.

"Harry, we have a lot to talk about, about our friend here I mean." Dumbledore took control again.

"Sir, I mean, who is that?" Harry motioned towards his father.

"Well you see, my young friend that is actually the one and only James Potter, your father." Dumbledore went on to explain to Harry what he had already told to Remus and Sirius, and what Severus had reencountered to him.

* * *

By the end Harry seemed to be in deep thought, inside he was just battling with himself over what he had just heard. He really didn't want to trust, but if Dumbledore, Sirius, and Remus knew it was him, then he obviously thought it was true. He thought very deeply about what he felt, he was strangly comforted by the fact that his father was back.

Sadly, Harry knew that he couldn't fully trust him, at least not to tell him every thing, no, there would never be any one he trusted enough for that. Truthfully that kind of scared him, never to really trust some one enough.

Right now, Harry thought, he needed some one to comfort him, he needed a father. Normally he would just go to Sirius but he thought that by now he must be becoming a bother to poor Sirius. Always going to him when a problem arised, he needed to work for him self, not be dependent upon some one else, to walk on his own. But once, just this once, he would alow him self a second comfort.

He stood up, walked over to his newly found father.

James just stood there stiff, not sure what was going to happen and not sure if he wanted to know.

Until suddenly, Harry hugged him, tight as if afraid he might lose them. When James looked down at his son, Harry's eyes were tightly shut, and he had the look of a lost child on his face. James smiled and hugged his son, finally.

* * *

Author's note- NOTE HARRY DOES NOT FULLY TRUST JAMES YET! He just wanted some comfort and he just accepts him to be real. I am disappointed in this chapter, but again this is an strange one so what can you do? And if you have any prank ideas tell me! please! 


	5. In the dark of the night

**Authors note** Yay! I actually got another chapter up . I'm proud of myself. Though waiting this long probably is not a good thing…. Ah well at least it's up…. Anyways, Harry I know doesn't seem too 'depressed' in this chapter like he should, but there really wasn't any right place.

Also I would like to announce that I WILL be updating my other stories, sorry about those but I had a slight writers block on them, but have not given up on them.

**Disclaimer**; If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. are owned by J.K. Rowing.

**Rating**; PG-13 for now, it may change but I am not sure where I'm going with this, currently it is rated for this because of language (later on) and abuse… yadda yadda yadda…you get it.

**Summery**; 4th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

REVIEW RESPONSES – thank you every one!

shazia)Riavera- thanks for the suggestions, I'm not sure who to prank, I know the whole school at one point, maybe the marauders and the twins will have a war… but yours suggestions are appreciated and I think that they are very good, thank you for reviewing .

opal- that was because they didn't know, Harry put spells on his self, and because they found him like that they didn't think that he was hiding any thing so they found no need to try and get rid of any possible spells- stupid reason I know but I'm not ready for them to know about Harry quite yet.

Nikikeya-chan again- I haven't thought too hard about where to keep them ;; but the Potters are an old family and most likely have other estates that he can live in but James will most likely stay at the school for a bit, but for the breaks another estate would work.

Also thanks to-

charl1e

Kari-HP

Xylia Dark

shade-of-lily

selena123

SnakeTalker

amrawo

Taylor

bookxluver

FroBoy

Ingrid-Potter

lonlyheart

Thanks for the suggestions, and sorry about the double spacing 0.o my comp. stuck on it…

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

CHAPTER 5

IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT

Harry couldn't understand why he had accepted it so easily, maybe he just needed the comfort, but he truly didn't know himself. He shouldn't have given in; it would probably just lead to disappointment.

He sighed and looked around Gryffindor tower; they had moved him up here as long as he got checked daily. They probably never would have if they knew that he was 'mentally unstable.'

He never wanted them to find out, though Harry was now more jaded then ever, he still couldn't bare to see them looking at him with those unwanted emotions, nor for them to be disappointed in him.

God he was screwed up; and worst of all, he knew it.

Shaking his head, he took off his glasses and placed his eyes securely into his palms, trying to relive the unwanted tension. In two days was his birthday, yes he was entirely surprised that he himself hadn't forgotten, but he was silently hoping that his parental figures had forgotten. He really didn't want to deal with anyone right now, and he didn't think that he deserved it…

The Adonis inclined his head out the short tapered window staring at the pale moon, now in the dark of night in all its glory. The pale mystery of it called to him, calming him, he basket for a moment.

Harry realized that he should probably go to sleep, but with out the aid of the dreamless sleep, he was frightened.

He really hated to admit it, but he was afraid, he couldn't stand the dreams. Since he had been put in the hospital wing they had given him the potion, but now since he was out and he was well….sleepless. He didn't want to ask any one for it, because that would lead to them asking why he wanted it, and well that was a road that he didn't want to go down.

Harry was proud of his self though, he had not felt 'that' urge lately. The urge to hurt him self had been strangely absent lately, but it was a welcome change.

He sighed and lay back in the bed and pulled an old book out of his trunk, 'Interview with the Vampire', by Anne Rice. He realized that the whole theory behind the vampires powers, and rituals were probably off because of the fact that Anne Rice was entirely muggle, but her writing style was magical. She had a gift that few authors have that can keep you captivated throughout the whole story, and the words moved you.

Harry settled under the blankets and set deeply into the bed, preparing for a long night of reading.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, Remus was sitting next to him on the bed. Both of them were staring at their long time friend, James, who was sitting in front of them on a wooden chair stressing over seemingly unimportant problems.

Sirius looked over at Remus giving his werewolf friend a questioning look before looking back over at James again.

"Okay Prongs, tell us again…What the hell is wrong, cause frankly my dear, your kind of scaring us."

Remus nodded in a silent agreement.

James just gave him a look; he wasn't sure just how weird he was acting. Sure he hadn't really spoken at all, which in itself was kind of odd, and he was pacing a lot, along with twitching from lack of sleep, but to scare Sirius? Well that was quite a big feat, because he was the definition of weird. Eating everything with either ketchup or chocolate, and even chocolate with ketchup. Along with many, MANY other disturbing things.

"I don't know," he sighed giving in to his friends.

"It's like an odd feeling that I have, you know one that makes your skin crawl and stuff. I just keep thinking that something is off, that I should know something."

Sirius looked over to Remus, "Well Remy, I guess that we're found out we'll have to tell him the TRUTH about our poor Harry."

Remus just looked at him like he was a moron, which he was, no denying, but the look is what was important. James though looked like he had made a huge discovery, looking concerned and determined all at once.

"What? Come on Padfoot, what is it?"

Sirius looked at James the way Remus had looked at himself a moment before, he looked at Remus, as if questioning if this was their James. So as to keep him self from having to think over time, Sirius smacked James on the head, like Remus had done to them often as children.

"Nothing James, I was kidding. Your getting stressed out over nothing, your being and idiot, and I mean more so then normal. Dear God, I mean, nothing is wrong with Harry, so chill."

It really is a shame that Sirius is not right.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Harry walked silently through the hallways, not bothering to have worn his invisibility cloak, but at least trying not to be too horribly loud while walking.

Though he loved to read, and especially that book, but one can only read for so long before it becomes mundane, and you want to just stop.

So he felt that only thing that he really could do this late was to take a walk along the hallways.

He didn't bother with the cloak because he wasn't really forbidden to walk around the hallways, not that he'd care anyways, but he didn't really bother. But in spite of that he really didn't want anyone to find him and question him, explanation were never one of his strong points.

After around fifteen minutes of walking, he found him self at the astronomy tower. He walked over to the walled ledge, and just looked over the side staring at the grounds below.

He felt at peace out here, it seemed less suffocating, cooler, stiller. The night could do that to anyone, many children are afraid of the dark, but Harry never was.

'Yeah the Dursleys made sure I was real friends with the dark when they locked him in his cupboard.' Harry thought bitterly.

But Harry found it wonderful, seeing how beautiful every thing was at this hour, Harry knew that he could never see the sun again, and live in this peaceful darkness, and be happy.

Well as happy as he could get.

Yawning Harry slid down the little wall, too the floor. Apparently sleeping in the hospital didn't do much for his sleeping issues, only healed him. So now Harry was feeling the effects of the loss of sleep. Thinking that maybe he could close his eyes for a moment, but not fall asleep, he told him self, just close his eyes…

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Harry knew it was morning, he could feel the warmth on his face, but he didn't want to wake up. He cursed him self lightly for think that he could close his eyes for a moment, and not fall asleep, considering his tired state.

Damn the horrible cliché.

Deciding that he should probably get up and go back to his room before any one noticed that he hadn't slept in his room.

But at least he didn't have any dreams, Harry thought as it was a slight consolation. His body and mind probably completely shut down, because of his body's desperate need for sleep.

Shaking his head and slowly opening his eyes, he jumped back, well as much as he could, considering he was against a wall.

Severus Snape stood in front of him leaning casually against the wall, smirking at him.

"Well Potter, did you enjoy your night on the floor?" His tone was mocking, but Harry thought he found some curiosity in it.

"Why yes as a matter of fact, much more comfortable here on the stony ground, then in my bed. Hey, I'm even thinking of asking the Head master for a permanent room, where I can sleep solely on the floor," Harry bit back just as mocking, though with out the edge of curiosity.

Snape just sighed and looked away from him, "You idiot, they found out that left, so Dumbledore called out the whole damn staff out to look for his 'golden boy', you foolish child."

Snape by now was clicking his tongue. Harry had been waiting for it though, because Snape had been acting all too nice, well to him anyways.

Harry sighed and slowly tried to pick himself up from the floor, wincing and then sliding back down from the throbbing in his muscles and bruises.

Snape strolled over, and gently, which greatly surprised Harry, lifted Harry off the ground.

"Come on boy we don't want daddy dearest, and the mutt, and werewolf to worry," the Slytherin said with contempt.

The raven haired boy was wondering what the hell was wrong with his normally pissy professor, had he heard about what had happened at his relatives and taking pity on him? Was he actually trying to be nice, or was Snape experiencing really weird mood swings? Snape supported one of Harry's arms as the walked down the tower stair to meet with every one else.

Harry was left to ponder the mystery that was Severus Snape.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Authors note I was really disappointed in this chapter. But if you have any prank ideas- how James should find out about Harry's depression- any suggestions, make them, they always help.

PLEASE REVIEW


	6. Is what heard, really heard?

**Authors note; Holy crappirony I updated… . it's been a while. I first off want to apologize, but I guess I had a little bit of writers block, and on top of that I had finals, which I still have, but I am suppose to be doing my English term paper right now…but this is a little more productive for me to get my 'creative juices' flowing. So again I apologize profoundly, but life got in the way. This summer it will be so much easier to update. The first year of high school is rather hard. **

Also I would like to announce that I WILL be updating my other stories, sorry about those but I had a slight writers block on them, but have not given up on them.

**Disclaimer;** If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. is owned by J.K. Rowing.

**Rating;** PG-13 for now, it may change but I am not sure where I'm going with this, currently it is rated for this because of language (later on) and abuse… yadda yadda yadda…you get it.

**Summery**; 4th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .-

REVIEW RESPONSES THANKS!

Amones of Magic- thanks for the complement…I think, but anyways the idea was great, I used the basic idea in this…but it was a lot of help THANK YOU SO MUCH :bows:

Eric2- interesting idea, I may just use that for the malnutrition thing…thanks

Inumaru12- Snape defending Harry would be a riot, love the idea, thanks

Fiona12690- The uncle thing is odd, it would be hard to do with James alive, but he could be something like an uncle figure….

ALSO THANKS TO;

JPotter (x2 )

Barby-Black

moonypadfoot

Inumaru12

Kryzt

lonlyheart

FroBoy

amrawo

Kilikapele

shazia)Riavera

Suicidal Bunnies

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .-

A QUESTION by Robert Frost

_A voice said, Look me in the stars _

_And tell me truly, men of earth, _

_If all the soul-and-body scars _

_Were not too much to pay for birth._

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .- . - . - . - . - . -

DAWN THE FALLEN ANGEL

CHAPTER 6

"IS WHAT HEARD REALLY HEARD?"

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .- . - . - . - . - . - . -. -

Snape had dropped Harry off inside the Gryffindor common room, quickly informing Harry that the password was 'The Griffin Rising' before hurriedly escaping the room. All along the way mumbling something about not wanting to be around when the group of 'Grimy Gryffindors' returned. Just proving that it doesn't matter how old you are, your insults never changed.

Knowing that his father and the rest of the 'gang' would be around to look for him any moment, Harry decided that he might as well be comfortable for his interrogation. Looking around the familiar common room he found his favorite chair, the one right next to the fire place. Often when he couldn't sleep and the nights were none too kind, he would come down here to think and just sit. He loved to bask in the light of the fire, and for once be alone in the large school.

The minutes began to grow longer and longer as Harry waited to be found. Not that he would really care because he had a lot to ponder over.

What did he think about his father?

Harry wanted desperately with all of his heart to just be able to accept his father, and then they can live happily ever after. Here Harry snorted. 'Yeah,' he thought with contempt, 'there will be a white stallion waiting just around the corner to carry us away into the sunset. Thinking happy thoughts like that was bull shit. Life would never give you a break like that, life is there to break you down and spit you out when there is nothing left. Harry wanted to think like that, but he knew from past experiences that thinking like that lead only to disappointment.

He had grown use to the way things were…he had grown use to not having a father- Nor needing one. Harry had seen how people like Ron or Hermione had become dependant on their parents, and this was not safe during a war. If- God forbid- one of them were to die, they wouldn't make it. Love was a weakness. Harry knew he loved Sirius, and even Remus, and they were a horrible weakness, but his father. The Gryffindor knew that he could grow to love him more then the rest….for him to become Harry's greatest weakness.

Weakness was not a good thing during a war.

Love is not, despite what every one told him, a good thing. Each time one of the people you love are hurt, it breaks you down a little bit. Pain, hurt, betrayals…love, they all break you down. But that is what makes you human. Feelings these things- feeling anything at all, makes you human. Because of our extremely short time on this earth, we have to feel everything with a great intensity, or we never really live….

Life is love- and love is life, the same goes for every emotion, they are a weakness- but they let us live.

Harry knew this; he could take the pain, the physical anyways. But when it comes to the mental ones, the ones that come with his weaknesses, and his family- he couldn't take it. Not anymore. He knew what all of this was, what it meant. He had known that life screws you over in your attempts to live. Since childhood he had known this. It kinda reminded him of something he had read in an old quote book in school, "And when he goes to heaven, to St. Peter he will tell, "Another marine reporting in, I've served my time in hell." On the road to paradise you have to go through hell first.

"A voice sad, look me in the stars and tell me truly, men of earth. If all the soul-and-body scars were not too much to pay for birth." Harry whispered this softly, something he had picked up as a young child, being neglected and not aloud out to play aloud him a lot of reading time. Any one would answer that yes it is the proper price, but Harry was not so rash to say yes. True all those scars were the proof of how much you have lived, but living too much is not healthy. Or living as much as Harry have, is the more proper thing to say.

Letting some one else into his life was not something that Harry was ready for. Giving his heart, most of it, to some one who could break it instantly, intentionally or not, was not wise.

He craved love like a damn addiction, but he was not ready to give some on his life like that. And it was true, handing some one his heart was more then giving them his life. To top it off, though he loath to admit it, he had not given his father his full trust, not yet. He had been given no reason not to. But the hurts from the past had never quite healed over.

Pulling out of his reverie, he turned to look around the common room; he was slightly surprised that his father had not found him yet. Pondering the thought that he didn't care, but he quickly through that away. The fire by now was dimming and was slightly more then a glow in the hearth. It was almost hypnotizing. Slowly Harry felt his eyes closing on their own accord. His head falling. All too soon he was lost to Morpheus and Hynos.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .-

James, Sirius, and Remus had taken a break from finding Harry, assuming that he needed some time. They could understand and relate, normally people don't come back to life…Harry had every right to need some time, they themselves did.

James knew that Harry was not as content around him as he seemed, he was rather blank back when he hugged him in the hospital wing. The child did not seem normal… more broken then anything, and it was painful as a father to watch. After being filled in on the life his child had lived, he felt horrible. What kind of father was he to not be here for his son? He knew it couldn't have been prevented, but the quilt still flowed to him.

Dumbledore had told them that until the school year began they would be spending their nights in the Gryffindor common room. So that's were they decided to head at the moment.

He was still very happy that Harry was alive. But he still had Lily to morn for. Sirius, being his best friend, told him all about Peter. Sirius had also apologized about 60 times during the re-telling. It saddened James that Sirius had been blaming himself all this time for his and his wife's death. He had given Sirius one of those LONG talks about how the guilt did not fall with him. And again as they were walking Sirius was ONCE AGAIN apologizing.

"Sirius," he sighed quite heavily, a sound not fight for his old age, "if you say that it is your fault just one more time, I am going to knock you upside that extremely dense head of yours. When you switch secret keepers, you had your best interest in mind. It's Peter- that rat- that I drop all of the blame. That little worm, used me-us, I would kill him my self and you know it…It is his fault that Lily died!"

They had reached the common room and while James was ranting Remus whispered the password, and they walked in, both Sirius and James took no notice of Harry.

"She shouldn't have died- And you know it! Lily need not have died, Voldemort never wanted her! But she died any ways, I would have died anyways- but it is because of him that Lily died. If it weren't for that- that monstrosity she would still be here! He should be in the ground instead of her. I was brought back, but what about her? She was an innocent; I'm ashamed to have associations with that bastard. It- it's all his fault-"

Remus decided to intervene seeing Harry sleeping on the chair.

"You two had better shut up! If you had noticed or not the child that we have been looking for is sleeping. And unless you would have him wake up to your incessant bickering, it may just be in your best interests to shut your traps." Remus' voice though was being whispered, demanded respect.

Both now noticed the presence of Harry, eyes roaming over the sprawled body of the child. Eyes softened, and all three turned toward the stair well, and began walking. All wanting the child who had had so much difficulty in his life to sleep peacefully. Slowly they walked up, trying to be as quiet as possible. Walking up to the spare guest room where they would be taking residence- and retired for the night.

If they were to look closely they would have seen that Harry had been awoken by their yelling- and had heard what they had to say.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .-

Harry had been in a light sleep, something he had learned to do because of Vernon, and had indeed been woken from his father's rants outside the common room. He had kept his eyes close so as to not alert them of him being awake. His father's voice intensified when they walked in, and now he could hear what they were saying.

"She shouldn't have died- And you know it! Lily need not have died, Voldemort never wanted her! But she died any ways, I would have died anyways- but it is because of him that Lily died. If it weren't for that- that monstrosity she would still be here! He should be in the ground instead of her. I was brought back, but what about her? She was an innocent; I'm ashamed to have associations with that bastard. It- it's all his fault-"

Harry could hardly believe his ears; at some point he had believed that he was responsible for his parent's death. But to actually be told strait out that it was his fault- was kind of a crack to his defenses.

The more Harry thought about it, the more he believed it was true…Maybe he should have died instead. Maybe he was better off dead right now…

Harry had been wrong; he had already given his father apart of his heart. Whether he wanted to or not he had. But he had not been wrong in the fact that with in less then a moment, those who held his heart could take it away, and send him down. They had done just that, his father had held his heart, and he had walked all over it. Now, Harry knew what had to be done.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .-

Author's Note- I think that counts as a cliff hanger . But that was an okay chapter…I would make it longer but I have to get back to work on my paper…Most of this chapter was just how Harry felt about everything, and I guess that it was needed…

Anyways, Please review and all that jazz, give comments please help me out with pranks and all that stuff.


	7. Every damn day

-

**A/N **I Think that I updated pretty fast , this chapter was awkward to write, so I am not at all that happy with it. But anyways if any one has any prank ideas or something like that PLEASE tell me.

Also Happy Forth of July for those that live in the U.S.A

**Disclaimer;** If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. is owned by J.K. Rowing.

**Rating;** R- It changed because of the whole suicide thing in this chapter, but if it seems too high, tell me

**Summery**; 4th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

Also in this chapter there is a some what gory scene, so if you get to it and you don't think that you can handle it, then just skip over it…but I don't think that it is that bad.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**REVIEW RESPONCES **

Amones of Magic Wow long review! thanks! Also double thank you for the ideas, they are very good ones. Finals really suck mine weren't _hard_ just long and tireing . And sorry you didn't like the cliff- there's kinda another one in this chapter

Also thanks to;

Shalaren

dweem-angel

moonypadfoot

Kryzt

charl1e

kirsty2

FroBoy

rosiegirl

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

All in the life

_Wake up every morning, do your makeup, brush your hair,_

_prepare for the day that's coming on, and pretend that your not there._

_Sing that same old song that you're singin' every day._

_Repetition, the key to our society, with just our freedom to pay._

_And now all of us are jaded, we all succumb to grey,_

_not noticing that our lives, are the same damn thing each day._

_But we'd give that all up for a moment, to feel anything-even strife,_

'_Cause we'd do anything to feel again, but then again that's life._

_We go to work each day, to waste away ourselves,_

_trying not to submit to temptation, no matter how the dark compels._

_And we are nothing, lost in the abyss. Our endless sleep to be woken,_

_for we are a mule, a slave to break- but aren't we already broken?_

_And now all of us are jaded, we all succumb to grey,_

_not noticing that our lives, are the same damn thing each day._

_But we'd give that all up for a moment, to feel anything-even strife,_

'_Cause we'd do anything to feel again, but then again that's life._

_And we go to bed each night, waiting for what the next day has in store,_

_but when we look deep down, we know it will be like the one that came before._

_And yet we still play this little game, some how keep carrying on._

_but life's a confusing subject you see, for you can not miss it till it's gone._

(Another poem, by yours truly.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**CHAPTER 7**

EVERY DAMN DAY

-

Harry knew that he should have guessed that it would turn out this way, it always did. Having feelings really were nothing more then a pain in the ass. History seemed to constantly repeat itself around him. First the Dursleys, then the world (though they constantly came back), and now his father, he also wouldn't be surprised if his friends turned their back on him as well. Trusting had again led him no where.

Harry was clad in the clothes that he had been wearing for some time, the same clothes that he had been given in the hospital wing. His bare feet froze against the stone floor of the castle, but Harry was in no mood to take any notice.

His father hated him.

That thought just replayed constantly in his mind. He had actually gotten back a member of his family and then it all went to hell. But it always did. But for once he could not contribute this to Voldemort, well actually he could but Harry was dead set that his father blamed everything on him.

In the back of his mind Harry also laid some of the blame of his parents' death on him self, but that was in the far reaches of his mind. Then for his father to actually say that it was his fault….well that was one more straw to the camels back. All this guilt was really pushing him down, and he really couldn't take any more of it.

His father was completely right, his mother need not have died- he had heard as much from the memories the dementors sent him. His father may have been given life again, but his mother…fate had spent a lot of time dealing against her. It was his entire fault…Voldemort wasn't after his mother; no he was only after him. His father didn't want any relationship with him, and for good reason. Harry by this time was extremely distraught. Maybe he should do his father a favor.

Harry made his way down the many different paths and hallways of Hogwarts; he was lost in his faults. So lost that he didn't hear all the portraits around him asking him if he was alright.

Most of them thought him very rude.

All of his life Harry was used to being constantly belittled, but he grew used to it- that was his place as far as he was concerned. It was simple then.

Now however, every thing became so complicated- and at the same time nothing had changed. Harry had been thrust into a whole new world, where just it's simple existence was something that the Dursleys would beat him for even thinking about. Everything here was what he grew up knowing was evil. This world has expectations of him as well, ones which were too large for him to fill. Their idea of him was larger then he may ever be.

But whether he was with the Dursleys or in this world they still never really cared about him. Again Harry became used to this. Save them- they're grateful, but then after one mistake they will think you the scum of the earth. They were all two faced bastards, and they made Harry their scapegoat; they couldn't find it in them to blame their _beloved _ministry, so they placed the unwanted blame on Harry.

The Dursleys, the wizardry world- they were the same thing.

Well, except for one thing, the Dursleys were better then them. And that was one thing that Harry never thought that he would say that but it was true. Even though the Dursleys treated him so horribly with out pretending, that set them apart. They didn't pretend. The wizardry world pretended to like him so that he would save them…the Dursleys never did that. The fact that they were all faking hurt so much more then anything that the Dursleys could do.

Nothing seemed to change for Harry, hated and beaten then sent to being hated and used.

Harry slowed his pace as he looked around his person. Looking at the general vicinity of where he was, and what possible places that he could go, he made up his mind.

Voldemort was going to get the wish that he had been wishing for, for some time now. His father would no longer have to look at his face. His friends and his…family would finally be free. And the world, well they would lose their hero, but they could just screw them selves. This wasn't the first time Harry had thought of death, but it was the first time that he was serious about the whole idea.

Harry was now on the seventh floor, looking at a blank wall. Behind him was the painting of Barnabus the balmy trying to teach trolls to tap dance.

"_Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not."_

Concentrating really hard on a place that he could be left alone where no one would find him, he began to pace. He didn't want any one to find them because if they did they would stop him from doing what he was about to do. Be it from them not wanting to let their savior die or from the guilt they may get from letting him pick him off. But either way, being discovered was unacceptable.

When he next looked up there was a door awaiting him. Somberly he entered the room of requirements.

Entering he looked about the room. It was practically empty, but was full of shadows. One really couldn't see most of the room, it was just darkness. Harry was however able to spot a bed in the corner. It was quite large and was all black, a black veil hanged around it, pinned at the posts. The covers were made, of what Harry could guess, black silk, the pillows were as well.

Not wanting to trip on his way to the bed he wished for a minimal light source. At the far end of the wall a small torch lit up, though the light was sub par Harry could now make his way around the room freely.

Sitting down lightly on the bed Harry let himself down slightly allowing himself to relax a little bit. Thinking to himself he wondered exactly how he was going to go about doing this. Muggles normally took a gun to their head, or they would jump off some building, but those just seemed to scream for attention. Harry wasn't sure of the extent that magic had for healing if he jumped off the building, or if he would really die. And he really didn't have a gun on hand.

Suddenly an idea popped into his head; quietly he rolled his sleeves up a little past his elbow. Removing the charms he had on his arms he ran his finger up and down his arms, feeling each of them. His _trophies_.

He knew that he could kill himself easily with most likely one simple cut. It seemed the most dramatic way to go, but then again- Harry's life revolved around dramatics. It was also would give the world one hell of a slap on the face, this kind of death would lead no question as to whether it was suicide or not. It would sure make a statement.

Summoning up his courage he visualized a dagger and gave off the feeling that he needed it. Then low and behold a small, finely crafted dagger appeared in his hand. It really was beautiful. The handle was a pitch black colour; small vines slithered in and around it. The blade itself was…perfect. It was equal to the length of the handle, and was spotless and shinning. It looked sharp. Harry brought his finger up to the tip of the blade and pressed down lightly; he felt a small pain and looked to see that his finger was covered in blood. Yes, it was sharp.

Thinking as to whether or not he should leave a note, he thought against it. They would be able to guess his motive- if they cared.

Harry laid him self down against the black silk pillows he brought the knife up and dragged it lightly across the skin of his wrist. He was barely pressing down at all, but the top layer of skin was being dragged off. Not enough to draw blood however. Thinking it over, he decided that he might as well get it over with.

Getting comfortable he placed the edge of the blade in the center at the beginning of his wrists. Applying a greater amount of pressure Harry gave a deep sigh as he felt the blood begin to flow. He began to trace his vein along his arm only stopping when he got to the elbow. His dark red blood began to flow down his arm looking like a deranged spider web. Even though that arm was becoming very weak he was able to do the same to his other arm.

He stared as both normally creamy white arms became drenched in crimson. The trail of blood made its way down his arms, gathering at the base, then dripping slowly to the ground. The bleeding was irregular at first, spurting blood out of his arms at the beat of his heart, but then it started to smooth out.

Cotton started to form in Harry's mind, everything seemed to slow down somewhat.

Harry lifted his arm into the air and the blood's trail changed course to flow down towards him. Bringing his tongue up to the raining blood, he dragged the muscle around lapping up his own trail. It tasted strangely sweet to Harry, but the underline copper, metallic taste still shown through. The taste you get if you ever suck on a metal coin.

Mesmerized. That's the only way he could describe the feeling that he was having. The colour was so…amazing, so red, there were so many ways he could say red. Crimson, scarlet, vermillion, rubicund, magenta, fuchsia, and so many, many more.

Harry chuckled, this feeling was so wonderful, he was floating, he was flying, and he simply felt happy.

He was almost positive that he had made the cut deep enough so that the blood would not clot. As long as he was not found he should be able to get this through. Almost laughing again, he remembered that no one would care if they found him anyways. He was a killer- now he was getting what he deserved. He wondered briefly if they would even bother to have a funeral for him, but he really didn't care.

His blood was every where; it covered his arms, his clothes, and the bed around him.

Feeling very light headed, he decided to close his eyes. It was almost done, he was almost free, and he would be. The end was coming soon he could fly; soon he could be in peace. So he just let the feeling carry him off, and everything went black.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James Potter couldn't sleep. He accepted that by now. For the last hour he had been tossing and turning, trying everything to get to sleep. Changing clothes, fluffing pillows, changing positions- Nothing! Sleep just was not coming to him tonight; it was almost as if he was being kept awake for something.

Looking over at his room mates, he saw them sleeping peacefully. He just continued to stare at the wall, thinking of what to do.

Resolving that he was not going to be getting any sleep this night, he stood up, put on his glasses, and decided to go check on his son. Stretching slightly he walked towards the door and began walking down the stairs. Rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses, they hurt some because of the sudden transfuse of light. He made is way over to the couch and placed his arms on the back. Yawning loudly he took note that even though he could not fall asleep- he was still in desperate need of it.

It was then that he looked down to where his son should be…but wasn't. James paused and thought for a moment, shouldn't his son still be there. He wasn't upstairs and…James suddenly came to his senses and ran back up the stairs. Running into the room where he should have been sleeping he jumped over to Remus and shook him awake.

"…J-James?" Remus began, he sounded very groggy, until his eyes snapped open fast.

"Remus, get up, Harry's not where we left him." James was sounding a little disoriented. He was jumping on the balls of his feet, and when he saw Remus rising he ran over to Sirius and repeated the action.

"James, don't get your knickers in a bunch quite yet, Harry has quite the reputation for wandering around the school after hours. I'm not sure if you should be panicking." Remus tried to comfort his friend.

"Yeah, Jamsie." Sirius paused to give off a loud yawn, "We used to do the same if you remember."

"I know, yes I know, but I have this really bad feeling right now, and this is really not helping. So get off your ass and help me find him." James ran out of the room, not even waiting for his friends to follow.

Both Sirius and Remus chalked their friends' concern to the fact that he had just gotten his son back, and so he was over reacting. They both followed anyway, wondering where Harry could have gone- out of plain curiosity. James was waiting for them at the exit of the common room, they followed him out. He was running down the hallways, and the two had no choice but to follow him.

They continued running for some time until they were suddenly stopped.

"Isn't it a bit too late to be out, I mean really, you're waking us all up." They looked over to see a portrait of an elder wizard.

"Um…what?"

"Why are all of you walking around the hallways at this time of night? You must be the third person tonight we've seen."

"Who else?" Remus asked.

"There was that one gangly fellow; he told us that he was making his way up towards the headmaster's room. Then right before you was this younger lad, rude one he was. Chucked us off, ignored us he did." The portrait now looked irritated. "Now you three came past." He stopped.

Sirius, James, and Remus looked at each other, all drawing the same conclusion.

"And um… which way did the younger boy head in." Remus asked him.

"Down that way," he pointed to the left, "About half an hour ago." James and Sirius both went off in that direction, leaving Remus to leave thanks to the portrait.

The three of them went down the hallways, stopping to ask portraits where the boy had gone. They were led to a corridor on the seventh floor, at a blank wall. James and Sirius were both stumped at what to do. Remus however, recognized the room from something Harry had mentioned long before.

"The room of requirements…." Remus said quietly.

The other two both looked at him, a questioning air about them. Remus quickly explained in brief what he knew about the room.

"What would he be doing in there?" Sirius sounded rather shaky.

"I'm not sure, but let's get our selves in," James concentrated on desperately wanting to get into the room, until a door way appeared.

Quickly James ran in, but stopped on the beat after he looked to the bed at the end of the room. His mind drew a whole bunch of conclusions; he started making his way over to the bed. Remus and Sirius entered both stopping when they saw the bed as well.

The same thought ran through all of their heads; _what the hell_.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**A/N **This chapter really did not go the way that I wanted it too ;; And sorry about the cliffy (the halfway cliffy anyways) but I think that I wrote a good amount for this chapter, at least I hope so.

I also bumped up the rating to 'R' cause of the death attempt scene, but if that seems to hard please tell me so.

-


	8. AN

Ah yes, the lovely 6th Harry Potter book is out, and I am finally done. But with its completion there are obviously some major changes, surprises that kept me guessing, and ended up being things that I would never guess. With the half-blood prince out, it makes my stories even more AU some more then others, but the point is still ringing true. I will keep writing as if nothing in the 6th book happened, because I really do not want to abandon these stories, and there is really no way to 'repair' them. So there are somemajor differences, but now my stories are completely AU. The next chapters will be up soon!

P.S. I really hope you all get a chance to read the 6th book, it blew my mind!


	9. The morning after

**Authors Note;** Yay, next chapter finally up! This one is shorter then I would have liked but what can you do? Anyways sorry for the long wait and please review. Thanks to the people that pointed out how I should work the rating deal, I was a little bit lost for a moment there.

And sorry for the cliffy at the end of the previous chapter, many people were less then happy with me.

**Disclaimer;** Don't own….sadly

**Rating;** T, I am sure that you can guess why by now...

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .

**Review Responses-** Thank you all! These reviews are what keep me going :gets teary eyed:

Nikikeya-chan again – lots of good points, but I don't think that Filch is walking around during the summer. Harry is able to throw off the imperious curse so they wouldn't think of that as an option. And thanks for the ideas!

Spiorad – thanks for the rating advice!

rosiegirl

emmamme

siriusblacklover

female half - breed

FroBoy

kirsty2

EmotionlessNightmare

moonypadfoot

PotterScar

Suicidal Bunnies

dweem-angel

Kryzt

Yana5

willow51

Shalaren

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my new Beta Reader Sondi, Thank you ever so much :Huggles:

**Chapter 9**

**The morning after (very crappy title)**

Darkness surrounded Harry's vision. Well, it couldn't even be called darkness, it was just…nothingness. Harry tried to look back into his memories to what had occurred before he got to where he was. But thinking was hard; it just sent a sharp pain through his head.

Suddenly he remembered…he should be dead. You're not suppose to feel pain when you're dead. He remembered the room, the bed, the knife, but nothing after that. He should be dead, but all signs were saying otherwise. Could some one have caught him, stopped him? Even if they did, who would really care?

Stretching out his senses he tried to move, to move anything. It felt like he was covered under a pile of sand, everything was so heavy.

Straining his eye lids, a normally effortless task, now seemed to take a lot of muscle power. Giving his all into the simple job he slowly felt his heavy eyes open. However when he was finally able to open them he was unable to see anything. Everything was blobbed together, realizing quickly that he didn't have his glasses on. But he supposed that even if he had his glasses on his person, his sight wouldn't be at one hundred percent.

Though, it was painfully obvious that he was in the hospital wing. He was already setting a record this year.

Sitting up slowly, he looked around. From what he could see of the room, the lights had been dimmed down. So since there was no other light, it must have been sometime at night.

He felt horrible. Not necessarily in pain, but something else. It was as if the pain he should be feeling had been masked by a potion or something of the like. Normally, and for most people this would seem to be an improvement then to feel the pain itself. But to Harry it felt stuffy, left with a bad feeling in his stomach. Something like paranoia, like he knew something bad was about but there was nothing that he could do. To him feeling pain would have been a better option. At least then he knew where he stood.

Looking around his bed he searched for his glasses. Not finding them, he laid back once again. At the end of the bed he saw a large black blob, and his curiosity peaked. But no matter how hard he squinted his eyes together, the mound of blackness remained unidentifiable. He tried to move his legs, but found it to be nearly impossible to even wiggle his toes.

Wondering silently on who would be at the end of his bed, he tried to get comfortable again. He really couldn't see who would want to be there, no one really seemed to care. Being on this train of thought, he began to ponder why he hadn't died. His plan had been fool proof, every one was asleep, and very few knew where the room of requirements was. But all of that brought him back to the question of who would want to stop him. Wouldn't every one be much better off if he was gone?

He had failed again; he couldn't even dispose of him self properly. He shook his head. What was wrong with him?

Realizing that all this thinking was earning him nothing but a horrendous headache, he tried to clear his mind and sooth his troubled thoughts. He closed his eyes and set on going back to sleep.

Darkness swept over him again, as he let himself go.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .

Remus was sitting alone in side the kitchen; he was sipping slowly on some very strong coffee. Normally tea was his thing but his reluctance to fall asleep at the moment sent him on a caffeine drive. James was spending the night next to Harry in case he woke up. Remus mused that he would most likely head up there after a while. Sirius was sleeping under the influence of a potion on the couch of the common room. James had slipped it too him after he seemed to have a panic attack. Though, James himself hadn't been much better himself.

The werewolf seemed to have the best reaction of all, seemingly calm, and in handle of the situation. After entering the Room of Requirements and finding Harry like that Remus was the only one who had known what to do.

_**Flashback**_

_They all quickly entered the Room of Requirements, not really understanding why they were hurrying. Remus looked to the center of the room, seeing a bed there. He stopped short, however, once he saw what was on the bed. They all looked to see an eagle- spread Harry, who was deathly pale and covered in blood. _

_Remus recognized this scene, realizing instantly what had happened. Looking over at his friends he knew they had too._

_James had gone into shock; Remus couldn't blame the poor man. He had just gotten his son back and almost lost him quickly after. James had just stood there his eyes slowly becoming unfocused then focused once again, mouth slacking. Sirius just seemed to snap and started yelling things that Remus could hardly remember at the time. Remus, seeing that his friends really couldn't handle things at a time like this, jumped into action._

_Rushing forward, he stopped in front of the bed. Hardly able to see anything, he willed the lights on._

_Muttering a spell that would instantly stop the bleeding, he quickly grabbed the knife from Harry's hand. Placing his fingers on Harry's wrist he felt for a pulse. Finding one, he realized it was quite weak. Remus had no idea how much blood Harry had lost; a lot by what he could see, but he was unsure how critical his condition was. He thought to himself that getting Harry to the medical wing may be the best option at this point. _

_He knew that if he levitated Harry, he wouldn't get there all that fast. Moving his wasn't all that dangerous- he just needed more blood. Remus decided quickly that carrying him might be_ _best. _

"_James, Sirius- get your asses over here _NOW_!" Remus normally wasn't one to swear but he needed to get Harry medical help, quick, and he could hardly lift Harry himself._

_The shouting seemed to snap the two other marauders out of their stupor as they rushed forward to get to Harry. Sirius helped load Harry onto James' back, and quickly as they could, both ran out of the room, leaving Remus to run after them. _

_They made it to the medical wing in record time, Sirius running ahead of James to wake up Poppy. She came out ready and began shouting orders to James, who set his son on the nearest open bed. She inspected him, paying no mind to the other three as she began to check his blood. Then she began to pour multiple potions down his unresponsive throat. Remus recognized the blood replenishing potion, and the pain reliever for the obvious pain in his cuts. _

_**End Flashback**_

They watched when Sirius began to get twitchy, and not too long after, Remus left alone to bring him to the common room. That brought Remus to now as he was sitting in the kitchen drinking his extremely strong caffeinated beverage.

He sighed. He should have recognized the signs within Harry, and he knew it. He wondered what could have driven Harry to do what he did, what else had happened that he didn't know about? Unlike his other two friends, he saw that Harry was not as content about his father as he pretended to be, but he didn't think something like that could have caused this.

_Why now_ ran through his head. Did something happen while he was at Hogwarts? As morbid as it sounded, if Harry really wanted to commit suicide then why do it when he was at Hogwarts, why not at his uncles? There was a much higher chance of being caught here. Why now, what made him suddenly want to do so now?

Remus saw that Harry was depressed; he could see the dead look in his eyes. He thought that at the time it would be best to give him space; he thought the cause to be Harry's uncle. Leaving him be in the beginning is always the best step. Don't intervene until later, after the victim had had time to digest what had happened. Remus had been sure that Harry wasn't that deep in, his eyes weren't completely dead yet. He was sure that there was hope. He really didn't think that Harry was that bad.

No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't understand Harry's reasoning. The last he saw of Harry was when James, Sirius, and his self walked into the common room talking about Peter, and then they saw Harry asl-

Oh….

Remus understood now, James had been so angry about Peter he couldn't even bring him self to say his name, so he simply called him 'rat.' When they walked into the common room he was yelling about how 'the rat' had been responsible for his wife's death. Remus was sure that Harry had been asleep. Harry had obviously been depressed, and hearing what James had said, he was sure to take it the wrong way.

That would explain the sudden decision rather well.

Drowning his coffee in one humongous gulp, he slammed the glass down, and stood up slowly. Straitening his cloak of wrinkles, he walked out of the kitchen towards the infirmary. One, to check on Harry, and two, to have a quick talk with his best friend.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

**Author's Notes – **this chapter was shorter then all my other ones :sigh: but that seemed like the best place to stop. Anyways, please read and review and then I will get the next chapter posted as soon as I can. As always if you have any ideas for what I should do feel free to do so.


	10. talkings about

**Author's Notes-** yeah, yeah this took a while, but this chapter is longer then the other one so I hope that you are happy. A lot of people asked how Remus would 'see' how depressed Harry was so that is what the beginning part is for. It does seem a little cliché but I haven't really seen any quite like it. But please review.

**Disclaimer** don't own, don't sue- you know the drill.

**Rating & Summary**- you should already know chidren

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Review Responses**

THANK YOU EVERY ONE!

**Amones of Magic** glad you liked the whole Remus idea I hope that I explained it well enough:sweat drops:I understand with muses… if they didn't help, sometimes, I would kill them :glares at muses:

aerohead1980

**rosiegirl**

W.1.n.g.G.o.d.d.e.s.s

**kirsty2**

funky seaweed

**emmamme**

Linker27

**PotterScar**

Yana5

**FroBoy**

fellowshipofmarauders

**EmotionlessNightmare**

Suicidal Bunnies

**Barby-Black**

moonypadfoot

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As is the nature of humans, they do not like being inferior in any way- they are extremely afraid of anyone or anything different from them who posses a threat. All in all, they are very selfish, namely concerned about their own hides. When anything is a threat to their existence, they do anything they can to get rid of it (even when the so called threat really isn't all that dangerous). It is in human's instincts to survive at all costs, no matter who they hurt along the way. Ostracizing the menace is how they usually deal with it, because no matter how much they want to run away, doing so is not always an option; because their fear is still intact, beating down the threat is not always possible.

Being a werewolf was extremely trying for Remus Lupin. Hell, it would be hard for any one. Very few would let one into their numbers, and even fewer more would accept one as a friend. Being excluded from everyone his whole life was harder then he would ever let on. Even his own father seemed to fear and push him away; only his mother was ever there for him.

Then he was allowed into Hogwarts, where he wanted to go only for the education. He never dreamed that he would make friends there. James was the first of the marauders that he befriended, which later lead to Sirius and Peter. They were the best thing that ever happened to him. But he still felt out of place with them. None of them cared for studies, unlike him. All of them lived in the world as if there were no problems, but Remus was not that ignorant. No matter how hard he tried, he never did quite fit in with the others; they didn't know of his biggest secret, and because they didn't, it left a barrier between the four of them.

But all of his friends were very observant- they noticed how he was absent once a month, and they decided to do some investigating. Needless to say, they did in fact find out his secret.

They confronted Remus- he had been terrified that they would abandon him as every one else had- and he had been in for a surprise. Instead of wanting to burn him on a steak- or shoot him with a silver bullet, for that matter- they welcomed him as a friend. That barrier was broken; they crossed the path, and became closer then any friends at Hogwarts.

But the damage none the less had been done. All the years of abuse and abandonment from the world had taken its toll on the chestnut haired boy. Shy and extremely cautious was how he lived his life now. The scars were forever embedded into his brain, and even some into his skin. He had spent many of his years in a depressed state, which took him a long time to break out of. But even so…he never would forget.

Many years later, an older (and greyer) Remus Lupin was power walking towards the hospital wing. The signs had all been there, he had even experienced them himself… so why hadn't he noticed it? The question banged inside his mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James had only been awake for a few moments, but it was hard pressed to tell. Even though he had gotten a just amount of sleep the night before, he really wanted nothing more then to curl up in a blanket and sleep. But he couldn't let himself do that. His normally bright hazel eyes were dull and red rimmed. Purple, almost bruise-like, bags hung from his eyes. His messy black hair was stuck up, as usual, everywhere. But now it had that nasty, almost greasy look too it. Normally it took a few days with out sleep to give this look to someone- or a hefty amount of alcohol- but because of all the stress he was under added to the lack of sleep, he could accomplish it in one day.

His glasses still hadn't been put on, and his large hands were constantly rubbing at his eyes trying to soothe their weariness. His eyes, though rather hard to see anything, were fixated on his son's form. They had, thank the lord, been able to get him to the infirmary in time. Magic does work wonders, though he was extremely drained and would be a little inactive for a while.

The actual thinking part of his brain had shut down now, leaving nothingness in its wake. His mind apparently had thought too much earlier, and now he was facing the consequences for it. With his mind's absence, he was left with nothing to do but stare at Harry. Deep down he was grateful for not being able to think. His mind had been in shambles previously, and thinking about anything even remotely stressful now would not be health conscious.

Silence was the prominent factor in the hospital wing, the kind that almost makes your ears hurt because it is almost as if you have gone deaf. James was relishing in this silence.

Well… he was, of course, until the entrance door was opened. Albeit it was slowly and softly, but the door still made that annoying creaking noise that comes with age.

Remus Lupin slowly entered the room, he had run as fast as he could to get here, and the effects were showing. His breathing was ragged (though he was able to keep it quiet), he was flushed, and his clothes were rumbled. He knew that since he was in an infirmary, he needed to be quiet.

He slowly opened the door, walked in, and softly shut the door behind him. Looking around the white room he spotted Harry on the bed, pail as ever- however, he noted, it was a vast improvement from before. The covers on his bed were rumpled slightly making him wonder if Harry had woken up at all- or maybe James simply had done it. The father himself was sitting at the end of the bed on a makeshift chair. Remus almost winced- he looked worse off then Harry did. Remus knew that he had slept some, but it certainly looked like he needed more. Why, James hadn't looked this bad since he and Sirius decided to sneak out from Hogwarts one night and get pissed as hell. He looked similar to this the next morning.

Remus could almost say that he pitied him, but that wouldn't be the right word. He felt some sense of remorse he supposed, but again there really wasn't a word to describe what he felt about the situation.

He felt almost angry, not necessarily at Harry, but more along the lines of himself. He should have been able to see the signs, shouldn't have given him the chance to hear something like what he did. That wasn't to say that he wasn't the least bit mad at Harry, but he couldn't bring himself to be- he loved him too much. He wanted so much to be able to yell at him when he came to for being so stupid, but he knew that he wouldn't. Feelings were so fickle sometimes. He wanted to say that he felt mad, happy, sad... anything that he could. But he felt confused. There was a horrible stuffy feeling in his chest that left him feeling something akin to hurt. The feelings had been much worse earlier, but they had toned down now.

Walking over to where James sat he sat on the bed next to Harry's and sighed quietly.

"We screwed up, huh?"

James quickly whipped his head to look at his long time friend who was now staring at Harry distantly. It took him a moment to function what he said.

"Define 'screwed up' in a situation like this," James muttered trying not to really think about anything.

"We should have known James, not only about this- but about the Dursleys as well. He trusted us, he looked up to us- but it really doesn't seem as if we helped any. We really should have known." Remus' voice had taken almost a longing note to it, letting James know that his mind wasn't all on the conversation. But he still failed to see how the blame fell to them at all.

"…how? You may be a hell of a wizard, but you are not psychic. There was no way for you to have known anything."

"But we _should_ have, we should have known, should have been there for him. I could tell _something_ was wrong, I didn't know what, but there was something and I didn't do anything about it." Remus sounded very detached now, still lost in his thoughts.

James looked over at his friend- he looked torn apart. He had rarely seen Remus like this- eyes unfocused and cloudy (most of which happened after an encounter with a biased werewolf hater). He hated seeing him like this; it really hurt him. Standing up slowly, and wincing at the pain his aching legs gave him, he slowly trotted over to the bed that his friend was moping on and sat down next to him. He leaned his head on Remus' shoulder. He used to do this all the time in his school years, though Remus had always been the one who was tough and could comfort them. But those years were gone, it was his turn.

Taking his head off of his friends shoulder, he reached over and pulled Remus' head to his, as a replay of what used to happen as children. Although this time, the roles were reversed.

"I can't really say that I know how you feel… because I really don't, nor would I want to know, to be truthful…But I do know, however, that this cannot be your fault. I guess that I can understand that guilt is apart of the process, no matter how little fault that you had in it- if you played a part, you feel guilty I suppose. But even through all of that, it doesn't mean that the guilt _should_ fall to you…

"I have known you for years, and not once have you been one to act rashly or wrong on purpose, you have always done as you thought was right. Even if sometimes it didn't turn out in the right…And once again you did as you thought was right, you did what you could- and I could ask nothing more from you."

Through out his entire 'monologue', James had spoken in a dull whisper. To most, it would seem as if this conversation was insipid or pointless to James- but those who knew him well would know other wise. James was a light-hearted man, the somber parts of conversation usually left up to Remus, but the few times that he spoke seriously from his heart you knew that he meant it.

Remus seemed soothed by James' words, allowing himself to relax against the shoulder provided and even lean fully into the man.

Both sated for the moment, they turned their full attention back to the reason that they were there. Harry hadn't changed, not that they had expected him too, but they were always hopeful. James sighed again and leaned his head against Remus'.

The moment was set, silence was once again beginning to creep, but Remus still couldn't resist putting in his last two cents.

"I missed you."

Leaning his head up and looking down at Remus, he noticed that he looked much more at peace then before. He smiled softly before laying his head down once more and closing his eyes again.

"And I you," And James meant it; he was finally back with his brothers.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Back up in Gryffindor tower, a black haired Adonis was set upon a small (for his size) bed. One could easily tell that he was asleep, but one could just as easily see that it was not a peaceful one.

The blankets had long since been thrown off of his body; instead he was now tangled with in the sheets surrounding him. The thin shirt he was wearing was bunched up and now extremely wrinkly. Beads of sweat formed on his brow, with little trails rolling across his face. His eyes were shut painfully tight.

Every once and a while he would roll across the small bed on to his side, or stomach, or back. Arms would often thrash as he clutched the sheets. He almost looked in pain. But anyone who had had this problem before knew that he was having a nightmare, and an awful one at that.

The raven hair man gave one last twist, before he flung himself off of the bed and onto the ground. Bluish-grey eyes snapping open instantly.

Looking rapidly around the room, Sirius Black wondered what had just happened. All memory of the night terror seemed lost in the depths of his mind. He really hated when that happened. So many times had he had a dream like this and could not remember it in the morning. It was even worse when he could only remember it for a short time and THEN forget it. But the memory of the dream would only come back to him when he had that odd sense of déjà vu. It all just really bugged him.

Staring at the room he was in he realized that he hadn't been in a room like this once since his schooling years. His eyes held confusion, until they closed quickly, remembering the night before.

Harry….

_Oh shit_ was the only thought running through his mind. They had really mucked that up hadn't they? Sirius simply could not understand why Harry would do something like that… but he had never really been an expert on things like that. His mind ran briskly as he tried to sort out his thoughts.

But that only led him to another question- well, back to his first question anyways. Why was he here? And where was every one else?

Trying to stand up with out tripping over the sheets he stretched out his still limbs, which made him moan almost happily. Deciding that his best choice of action would be to find James or Remus he walked almost dazedly to the door, lost in thought as he went.

Not really wanting to think, but unlike James earlier, his thoughts would not leave him in peace.

Rubbing slightly at his sand filled eyes, he tried to steady himself as he walked rather clumsily down the common room steps. Looking around again, but this time in the common room, once again he saw it void of any persons. James and Remus were not in this room either.

Checking off the places in his head that they would go, he could only figure that they would be in either the kitchen or with Harry in the infirmary.

Walking almost somberly to the common room exit he tapped on it slightly to wake the Fat Lady. Almost instantly the picture swung open and he dragged himself out.

Trekking down the hallways not really bothering to pay attention to where he was going, he knew the way to the infirmary by heart. Considering how much they cared for Harry, at least one of them would be in the hospital wing.

The trip took only moments so before he knew it he was standing outside the door to the infirmary not doing anything. He knew that he wanted to go in, but something was stopping him. He had that feeling in his stomach, like when you shoot suddenly to a high altitude and you feel a light and somewhat cold feeling in your stomach. You almost feel sick, but Sirius knew that he wasn't. Thinking back to an old saying that he had heard muggleborns say…'butterflies in the stomach.'

He knew that he wasn't nervous or anything like that so it must have been something akin to that.

Clenching his eyes closed he leant his head against the cold wood of the door. The feeling in his stomach was making his throat tight and his head spin. He wanted to sit down, but he knew that he might as well go in and see if any of his friends were on the other side.

With his head still on the door he reached his hand out and felt around the wood softly, seeking the handle. Long fingers slipped against the cool metal of the knob, he brought the rest of his hand to rest on it, curling his fingers around. Twisting and pushing, he tripped in, almost falling. Stepping in he looked around the long wing, turning slightly- at the end of the room on the right- he saw two of his friends sitting on the bed together.

Each was leaning against the other appearing to be in an aloof state of mind and calm state of mind. Walking over, well more like sliding over, he stood in front of them slightly. He turned to look at their peaceful expressions for a moment before turning his head to Harry.

He knew the news about Harry hadn't really sunken in fully yet, he must have been in some sort of denial. When it did, then he knew it wouldn't be pretty, so for now he just stared distantly at Harry.

When he looked back at his friends he saw James had set his head up and was looking at him. Feeling surprised, though not really showing it, he stared right back. James lifted his hand and motioned to the spot on the bed next to him. Taking the hint Sirius slid over to the open place and sat down.

James pointed at Remus and then brought his finger to his lips telling him to be quiet. Remus obviously hadn't been getting enough sleep and for once he actually was.

Weaving his hand through his hair he turned his attention to the window. It was still dark out, and you could still see the stars from where they were. Placing his hands on the part of the bed behind him he leaned and placed some of his weight on to them. Trying to relax he knew that after Remus and Harry woke up they would need to talk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**- Well, I hope the length was at least better then last time, so as always any ideas (especially on things like pranks and such) PLEASE tell me. Also- please review.


	11. Hiatus

I AM SOOOO SORRY!

I have not been able to update my stories lately because of personal issues, and now that I look back at them I find that I have writers block for them… I am going to put them on hiatus for the time being, and get rid of all the clutter (i.e. other stories in my mind) and then I can get back to them- I don't want to abandon them but I do need a break and to work on other stories. Lately I have been working on original script and poetry and jotting down small ideas for my present stories…. I hope to get back to them asap….

Seriously Sorry and hoping to be back soon...

-Cruel Reality


End file.
